Long Distance Stories from our readers
Ok. So you have found yourself in a long distance relationship! Perhaps due to normal life or maybe because of coronavirus. There are definitely more couples facing this reality today than there were 2 months ago. So we reached out to our readers and asked for some tips for how to survive a long distance relationship and keep the “flame” alive. Here they are:
Susan, 36, 2 months into long distance:
At first it was really uncomfortable. We realized that the phone was all we had. Basically 3 options. Talk, text and video (live or recorded). We decided to try get into a pattern. Morning texts and then a longer call later in the day. And we always talk before bed. It took a few weeks to try being intimate. We spent some time texting, I guess you could call it sexting. And then eventually we had FaceTime sex. It was so awkward at first, but ultimately it gave me a great opportunity to get to know my own body. Ever since then we have been FaceTiming a lot and probably 3 times a week we have sex. I am loving it. I guess my advice is to just to try to let go of your inhibitions and give it a try. I am definitely finding it helping our intimacy and making us feel a bit more connected.
Miranda, 31, 2 years into long distance:
We have been doing this a really long time. My partner is in medical school and has to be away for extended periods of time. We live through FaceTime. Its hard to plan because we never know his schedule so we text a lot in between and then we talk live as much as possible. We started FaceTime sex almost immediately. He bought me some toys and we try to spice it up. We spend a lot of time talking about our fantasies and desires which I find helps in general. Its great foreplay! I will admit at first it was awkward. Having a camera on my vulva was relatively confronting. But over time it got easier and I think it has helped me embrace my own body and sexuality. I realized that if I was comfortable, the sex was even better. Plus when we meet in person now, we know each others wants and needs probably more than if we were only physical all the time.
Sophie, 45, 6 months into long distance:
Greg had a chance in career and has had to move interstate. He is trying to go back and forth as much as possible but we are separated a lot of the time. We try to create some kind of routine with rules. Always first thing in the morning and last thing at night. We have been together for 5 years so we have a strong foundation. We try to make sure we talk about everything in our lives, not just the major things. I think that’s what gets lost in between if you don’t make time. And its easy to get into a habit of just talking on the run, so we try to make sure we set aside one time per day to really talk. I am loving the sexting. The separation allows us time to miss each other and when we communicate about it, it really spices things up. I hadn’t masturbated a lot before, but I really enjoy doing it with him. It feels like an opportunity to explore my body and be intimate with him too.
Megan, 28, 1 month into long distance:
We just started because of the quarantine. Its been really tough. We haven’t been together that long and we haven’t had sex yet on FaceTime. I was actually looking forward to reading what other people say for some inspiration. I am finding myself glued to my phone and I guess the positive is that we are communicating a lot. Probably getting to know each other better than if we were face to face. When you only have texts and calls, it forces you to talk more and get to know each other. So I feel like once this is over, we will probably be much further into the relationship than normal.
There are lots of different ways to stay connected, and as you can see, there is no right or wrong here. A few suggestions:
- Make time. Prioritise as much as possible
- Get comfortable in your own skin
- Explore your bodies together, but on your own
- Talk about your fantasies
- Talk about the little things that happen in your world
- Stay connected as much as possible
- Be patient if one of you need a break/time/more. There is no rule book for this
- Discuss what the next time in person will be like. It always helps to remain optimistic
Above all, look after you. Nurture yourself and find ways to fulfil your own fantasies.