I Just got my vibrator – now what?

I think there is this assumption that vibrators are plug and play (well they are to get them working but the “play” part is not so obvious). We should automatically know what to do with them and it should always feel good, right? Wrong!! I can’t tell you how often I get asked, usually by someone who is mortified to ask – how do I use this? Or should it just feel great? And why didn’t it feel nice? So I want to change this and do some myth-busting:

1. We are all different and we respond differently to different sensations. Some women LOVE internal stimulation, others don’t. There is nothing wrong with you, its just your body and what feels good for you. There is so much social pressure that internal stimulation is the be all and end all. But it isn’t. In fact, for over 70% of women, external stimulation is ultimately what makes them orgasm. The same way that many women only orgasm if the side walls of the clitoris are stimulated rather than glans clitoris which is the most obvious and largest visible part. This is why our focus is on allowing women to explore their bodies in a way that is non instructional and prescriptive and rather about play and seeing what works for you.
2. Our bodies are shaped differently which is why we chose to produce a range that was soft and flexible. Your spot may be up and slightly to the left, or right, or behind or any number of directions. This is why I wanted toys that can bend and flex with your shape and be able to be moved to the spots that feel good for you. The truth is that no one can even 100% prove the existence of a G spot, and the clitoris is only just starting to be understood. So don’t worry if its not where you think it is. If something doesn’t feel good – stop. And if it does, amazing and keep going if you wish.
3. Our headspace matters. If we are feeling under pressure, whether for time or even pressure to enjoy something and orgasm, our bodies can shut down. And our vagina is a muscle so it can contract which makes it difficult to enjoy the experience. Relax, take your time and try to lower your expectations. It doesn’t matter if Karen down the street said that you should be feeling a certain way or do it like this, it may not work for you. Just relax and enjoy exploring your body. If you orgasm that’s awesome. If you don’t, hopefully just spending time getting to know your body in a pleasurable way is fun.
4. If you are experiencing pain – stop. Sex often can be painful but shouldn’t be. This is the time to either try something different or reach out for help from a health care professional. I would not recommend continuing to try something if it hurts. Pain is our body’s way of alerting us to something wrong so it is always best to check with a qualified professional before continuing.
5. Rome wasn’t built in a day. You wont necessarily go from zero to hero in one go. It is OK to take it easy and build yourself to a point that feels good and then stop. There is absolutely no shame in not having full penetration with toys, or going all out in one go, or using just external to start, or not even using around your vulva and rather massaging your shoulders! It is up to you. Do what makes you feel good and try to block out other expectations
6. We would always recommend using lube. Lube is like the most underrated tool for sex. We seem to have a competition about how naturally “wet” we can get. Like this is some kind of medal-worthy goal. It isn’t. And many factors affect this, outside of just how “into” it you are. So instead of joining this crazy trend, just get some great lube – I love Sutil personally (its amazing). Using lube will make the whole process more enjoyable. Even masturbating alone is so much better when you use lube – give it a try. You can thank us later.
7. Have fun. Sex is meant to be playful. With yourself or someone else. So try to reframe in your mind and just have some fun. Once you let go of goals, inhibitions and learn to love your body, the sky is the limit to how much you can enjoy your own body.

I hope all of this is helpful and really appreciate all the feedback from various women who have contacted us and allowed us to share their fears so we could create this content. Please keep it coming. You never know how your own experience may be able to support someone else who was feeling isolated and alone in their own experience.

Lara xx